4th of July

Today is the fourth of July and just one of the ordinary days we have. But formerly the date was the celebrated Independence Day in the Philippines until the late president Diosdado Macapagal issued a proclamation stating that June 12 must be regarded as the actual day of emancipation. All the same, whether we had won our freedom from the Spaniards or had been granted liberty by the Americans, we are still facing pressing issues in our present society, which threaten the freedom and sovereignty of our nation. This leaves a gaping hole in our hearts knowing that we are still bound by the rusty chains of poverty, corruption, maleducation and homelessness, which, in spite of being rusty, we couldn't seem to break due to dead tiredness and despondency.

The fourth of July as a matter of fact is the Independence Day of the United States of America - the freedom-loving superpower that has been a model and inspiration of all democratic nations in the world - and the Filipino-American Friendship Day. We cannot deny that America had woven a long lasting relationship with the Philippines ever since the first day the Americans stepped on our soil. The most revered promise had been made by General McArthur - the unforgettable line “I shall return.” Until now, Uncle Sam has been our refuge in times of trouble and has been a faithful military and economic ally. Many Filipinos have decided to chase the American dream and to find the so-called greener pasture, and have thus migrated to the States for a living. Today, the Filipino community is the second largest immigrant group in America next to the Cholas. We believe so much in the American idealism.

The American culture and influence in the Filipino society is an indispensable trace deeply etched on our lifestyle and attitude due to our frequent exposure to fashion, products, and media that are considered to be truly stateside. But beyond doubt the most important of them all is the love for education and the English language. I am not ashamed to say that apart from my mother tongue Hiligaynon, I love speaking in English more than my national language Filipino. Maybe the reason I feel I am fairly proficient in speaking Filipino is that I don't use it in everyday communication. True enough, eventhough I had learned it academically, I didn't have the chance to practise it because I am not living in a region where most people really use it. Ironically, that premise also remains true in the case of the English language if I only base my reasoning on where I live. Nevertheless, I feel I am much more determined to learn and master the English language because I think it has, as a universal language, a greater practical use. Speaking Filipino on the other hand is intuitive and the language can be incorporated into the vernacular.

I am pretty sure that the word America has been hardwired into our system whether we like it or not. We are a diverse people. We are concrete products of acculturation. We survived the trials of times and multi century-old enslavement and subordination to other races. We continue to prove we can do it on our own and we can cast our own identity as a people the whole world will admire and look up to. Keep the faith because a new dawn will be upon us. This moment will not just be remembered as the twelfth of June or the fourth of July. This time it's forever.

Today is just a cold and rainy fourth of July.

What am I looking for in my career?

I've been a Computer Science graduate and in two years of immersing in the real world, I have found that not half of the courses I have learned from college I have applied in actual work. We've been given a dozen of theories and been bogged by rigorous academic tasks, but only a few of them have been useful in practice. That's the reason I can say I still have a vague idea of what career I'm looking for. If you are a medical student, you are sure you're going to work in a hospital and treat sick people. If you are an architecture graduate, you will surely want to design buildings. But if you are a Computer Science student, there will be a lot of choices you can make for technology is a variety.

As a fresh graduate two years ago, I have ventured into a challenging work of business integration by learning TIBCO software. I have been eager enough to uncover its intricacies by perusing loads of documentations and engaging in actual projects abroad. It has been a very interesting job for me. But that did not leave me wondering about the what ifs, the possibilities of being able to work in other fields, such as programming or networking. At this point in time, I still think of pursuing my dream career of being a Java developer because that's what got me interested the most in I.T. when I was in college. As young as I am, I still have the vigor and energy to go out to the world, to explore, and to find my niche. At times, I have the tendencies to be lethargic and to be daunted by the outside world, but I still would want to be fearless enough to discover what is really for me, what feels right, and what would make me happy. 

You can't be a jack of all trades, master of none. The desire to explore doesn't make you want to have everything or know everything, you just want to know anything there is in the world. And how can you find something if you don't move out and search for it? At the same time, the desire to explore could mislead you to the wrong trail. Having a passion is something I admire from other people. I don't have a kind of passion yet and it may take years and years for me to know it. Lucky are those who have found it sooner in their lives. For now, I just want to find that passion. I don't want to be halfhearted or half-baked in a career. I want to be the perfect fit for a career. In two years that I studied TIBCO, I tried and worked hard not just to be a jack but to be master of it. But now, there are certain factors that sap my energy. It could be that it would not be the most sustainable career for me, but nothing is ever certain. It could be that that kind of job has lost its appeal to me. If I'd be given a chance to start over again, I will do it. I hope that one day the spark will come.

Dreamers Don't Dream Only

This week started with a BIG IDEA. Our boss opened up about his plans to come up with a breakthrough innovation that will change the world... Something that will turn us into instant billionaires; not a get-rich-quick-scheme one but a sensational technology the whole world will get crazy about, the likes of Facebook, Twitter, or eBay.

Not bad, is it? It sounds like a great idea although too ambitious. To get us all motivated, he asked us to read a book entitled “Disciplined Dreaming” by Josh Linkner. The book is amazing and covers about real-world experiences and stories of how creativity in the workplace has significantly contributed to the success of every big business.

I have not entirely read the book yet but after perusing more than half of the pages, I have realized nothing is too ambitious. A big idea always starts with a small one. Facebook started as a very badly constructed website and evolved into what it is today. The main idea behind it is to find ways on how to connect people: old classmates, friends and colleagues. It was a plain and simple idea that turned out into something phenomenal. They may have gone through a lot of difficulties and challenges but that did not let them get stymied from their big dream because they have that blazing passion within them.

Dreaming is not about imagining what you want in life. In fact, it is not as easy as that. You have to make the steps to fully actualize your dreams. These steps, as detailed in the book, are ASK, PREPARE, DISCOVER, IGNITE, and LAUNCH.

I consider myself as a dreamer. As stated in my blog profile, I am a dreamer for myself, my family, and my country. But the question I have in mind is, if I will be able to realize my dreams and get rich, but still, there are a lot of poor people in the Philippines, what would be next? There is a huge difference between dreaming for oneself and dreaming for others. I am just glad that one organization, Gawad Kalinga, is gradually realizing the dream to end poverty in our country. I am also overwhelmed that I have been a part of that dream that will surely be made into reality. If I am able to dream big for others and my country, I have also the power to dream for myself. And, dreaming for oneself should always include others.

Some people say that if you are going to dream, don't settle for something small. There are also certain things I consider as big dreams. The spark to come up with this big idea might have originally come from my boss and since I am working for him, I have to become part of his dream also. His dream may not be the same as mine but this should not make me cynical about his dream. I have a different set of dreams but I think what I can do for him now would inspire me to follow my own way also.

One Mother

I was strolling in SM mall when I passed by booths selling different kinds of gifts. There were accessories, wallets, and picture frames. I was plainly curious and was delighted by some of the fancy items. I saw a picture in one of the picture frames; a mother, in her bosom, a sleeping baby. And then I remembered... Next day would be Mothers' Day!

In a daze, I disappeared in my head and was taken back to a place more than four years ago. It was our house during a hot summer day. The heat was scorching and my mother was lying on her bed having a difficulty to move, just trying to lie a little sideways. She asked me to massage her foot. And I did so obediently. I loved to massage her foot and although we were both silent, I was trying to relay a message to her that in my own simple act, I would be able to let her know how much I care for her and love her.

Having a mother is one of the best things that happened in our lives. Of course, no one will ever forget her mother. I admit I have never been a perfect son to my mother. There were rough moments between us when, I know, I had deeply hurt her so much emotionally. There were times we were having a row and I was answering her back. I had also hurt her physically. I didn't fully understand the way she loved me during those times. But now I realized she was a special person who truly cares for me, the only person you can call as your own MOTHER.

My mother was a nagger and I believe all moms are. That was one thing I hated about her. She always noticed every bad thing I do. At the same, she was the type of mother who never failed to express her genuine concerns for me. She was always kissing me in my private parts when I was a child and her touch often irritated me. She was not a “stage mom” type but every time I got an award from school, she was the one who pinned my ribbon or put the medal around my neck. The last time she accompanied me on stage was during my high school graduation. She was always proud of me. I was a conceited kid back then but she taught me the importance of being humble and keeping my feet on the ground. She was right all along.

Bad things always happen everyday. One of those things happened to my mom. She got ill from cystic teratoma, a condition in which a mass/myoma grew somewhere between her urethra and anus resulting to difficulty in urinating and pooping. She was also diagnosed with first stage cervical cancer. I wouldn't forget every semester break of my first two years in college, every month of October, I would spend my vacation in the hospital with her.

As I write this, my heart feels so heavy. I badly miss my mother. I was not able to give her any good gift before and now I know I still cannot give her any present even though I have all the money in the world. You can have only one mother. If you still have her, please don't fail to say “Thank you. I love you. Sorry if I've hurt you.” Do it now before time runs out.

The First Step

The moment I stepped my bare foot on the white sand, I felt renewed energy building up inside me as if life was breathed into me again. When I touched the cold, salty water, I felt a tingling sensation in my fingertips. The thing was so pure, untainted, incorruptible. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the harmonious chorus of the waves. How could a single dirt destroy the magnificence and grandeur of a place like this? The thought was like hearing an innocent child sobbing in silence, rivulets streaming from her ocean eyes. I felt guilty. I hope a nightmare like that doesn't happen.

I opened my eyes and looked towards the horizon. At the other side, what if the feelings of amazement and ecstasy I had were the exact opposite of that of a man disgustedly staring at the murky water while inhaling the putrid air? Nature has given us so much but we have given nothing in return. Not even reverence. Do we even have the right to feel disgusted? It is said that nature can live without man but man can never live without nature. Personally, I feel ashamed because in spite of the sickly state of our mother nature, she has still chosen to bestow me peace, strength and optimism. We never realize how a sturdy old acacia tree in the corner of a paved road gives vital energy to a despairing person seeking a shade to rest during a hot day. Primary school had taught us about the importance of plants and other living things to human beings. One cannot live without the other because everyone is interconnected. Life is beautiful. All things are. For God's creation is everlasting. I looked up to the azure sky wiped with thin strokes of feathery clouds and I promised myself that nothing could ever hurt mother nature again. I will resolutely do my best to protect it even though what I can do may seem too insignificant.

When I heard about Gawad Kalinga Bayani Challenge to be held in Bantayan Island in Cebu, I never hesistated to join. Since college, I have always been interested to participate in community building activities. For me, being able to help other people gives me joy and uplifts my spirit. This time I had the chance to be closer to mother nature. There are many things you can do: house build, teaching children, school build, island greening, among others. My team and I participated in island greening. The experience was like taking care of an ill mother. It made me remember my own late mother. We did coastal cleanup, tree planting, and mangrove planting in a span of five days. April 4 to 9 was an unforgettable week for all of us. As a part of our contribution to the country, we had made new friends among the participants, co-team members and residents of Bantayan Island, were inspired by talks and stories of people whose personal lives were touched by GK, had danced and flown high to patriotic beats and music played by homegrown bands, and had gained a magnanimous sense of self-fulfillment. It was no other vitamin for the heart.

After the hardwork and the exhaustion from our different tasks for several days, I came to walk along the beach. I felt frustrated when I saw a piece of plastic lying on the sand. Have we just done coastal cleanup? It may seem absurd but I squatted, picked the trash up, and put it in my pocket. I know it is never impossible to make this place clean again. But one thing is certain. I have lessened the trash in this place, one plastic at a time. That makes me believe nothing is ever impossible as long as you set your heart into a certain goal no matter how small your steps are to actualize it. An individual's contribution may be trivial but together in a million, billion, or trillion squad, together in “bayanihan,” we can all make it. We can end poverty in the Philippines and all the problems and sufferings in this world. The first step is “to care.”

A Dreamy Day

I realize I haven't written for months now and to be honest, I'm having a difficulty to start writing once again. As anyone can experience from a writer's block, myself is no exception. So, like a good crick in the neck from a long streeeeetch, I decided to draw inspiration from my melancholic tendencies nowadays. I don't know why but at this stage in time, mind you I'm an early twenty-ager, sometimes, I feel my life has no direction as if I'm sailing on a boat without knowing where the wind shall take me or like riding an express train. I know I have a good paying job right now but could there be something my heart is searching for? This is something I need to figure out.

As I mull things over, which is developing into a kind of silly habit, I have come up with wild dreams that I want to do in my life. Some of these things may seem too random and elusive, but one thing I'm certain of is that dreams are not made only for sleeping. In fact, everything starts from a dream.

I want to champion a cause. As Gawad Kalinga is working towards ending poverty in the country and restoring the dignity of the Filipino people, I also want to have my own fight. I want to fight lack of education among children in far flung communities. I don't know where these communities can be found and how I can help them, but there is a blazing desire in my heart to be a teacher and be a source of strength and inspiration to other people.

Of course, I also dream of worldly things but I do not want “to be a billionaire so freaking bad.” I actually fear how riches can turn someone into a monster. But I don't want to be hypocrite and say I don't like to have much money. All I want is to gain it through perseverance and hardwork, and eventhough I'm already rich, I'll still stay grounded and be the same person that I am. After all, it is not money that is evil but it is greed. What if I'm going to be a billionaire? Oh yes, first of all, I'll buy things I never had: gadgets, houses, cars. Take note it's plural! Most especially, I'll buy a picturesque island here in the Philippines teeming with pristine powdery white beaches and watch the sunset in my dying days! I will know then that life has never been futile. Of course, it can never be exclusive. I can make it into a resort where everyone can enjoy and be happy as long as they don't abuse the place and they will maintain its beauty and cleanliness. Through that, I can help people. I can open businesses and provide them jobs. I wish to grow old in a white house in the seaside sitting on an easy chair and listening to the waves as they hum me to a peaceful sleep.

I'm also dreaming of getting my “dream job” to be a hardcore programmer. I want to live an independent life in a highly urbanized metropolitan city and live in my own condominium or apartment. I want to believe in this dream no matter what it will cost me. Nothing is easy.

I want to go to Tokyo, Japan and be a mad scientist. How is it possible to be a hardcore programmer and a mad scientist at the same time? I don't know but one of my dream cities here on Earth is Tokyo. I want to go there to see the crazy infrastructures of this city. I've always admired Japanese people and I always believe they are indestructible no matter how many earthquakes and tsunamis will hit them. I want to dance there in discos to the beat of Dirty Bit or Born This Way, play Nintendo Wii, eat spicy noodles, or just be calm and stoic in temples and mountains. Oh yeah, I will have the time of my life!

Lastly, but not the last of my dreams as the list goes on, I want to play piano, guitar and violin. I know I have a great passion for music but I still don't have any skills or musical talents. I want to be a classical composer or an electropop artist. I want to compose my own songs and want these songs to be sung by a multitude of people and translated into multiple languages. I want these songs to be personal anthems. Just like how Lady Gaga belts “I was born to be brave. I was born this way!”

Well, I dream because the dream screams nothing is impossible. As long as there are slow boring afternoons, dreaming never stops.

Why I blog?

I havent't realized that I would be writing again a post after such a long time of three months. Yeah, last post was July 22. I was still in India back then. At the end of the same month, I went home to Bacolod and after two weeks, I went back again to India. The rest was history from that point until now. I don't wanna go back to what's in between but I can say it was a tunnel I had victoriously emerged from; that is, in one sentence, I survived! Thank God! Not really a very dark tunnel, but somehow, I considered the experience quite a challenge that tested my determination and fighting spirit.

The ability to write, I believe, is something that deteriorates over time if not practised. It becomes tarnished and eventually loses its shimmer if not rubbed and polished with the appropriate chemicals. These chemicals come in different forms, may it be your efforts, actions, or experiences either directly or indirectly. Just like in any other field, your skills are your arms in this competitive world if you were into expanding and growing your career. Well, I'm not really destined to be a writer but I had once thought of becoming one. But even though I'm on a different career path right now, I still have interest in writing and would want to improve in this particular skill, the reason why I'm blogging. Aside from that, blogging is also a form of stress relief! You can get to have emotional downpour if you want anywhere and anytime as long as you have access to www. Blogging is also one way of sharing your own ideas to the world! Well, if they could read this. I can say there are a lot of wonderful benefits blogging has to offer and I couldn't think of anything negative (aside from plagiarism perhaps or spreading gossips) especially to an introverted person like me. Aside from that, blogging is free form! You don't have to have perfect grammar or use highly intellectual words in order to write a blog post. As long as your readers can understand what you want to express and you can translate your ideas in a clear and colorful way, blogging is not something very complicated. In fact, it becomes enjoyable and gives you opportunities for self-reflection or introspection. You don't also have to write a post everyday or you may want to if your drive is strong enough to keep the sounds of the keyboard in harmony. As long as you can keep the engine running, blogging can help you a lot in self developement. Whatever ideas you come across everyday, you may want to write a post about it. A post may not be necessarily very long and you can keep it short and simple. There is a form of blogging nowadays called microblogging. If you have a Twitter account or Tumblr (I haven't used it though), you can start your own venture into microblogging. I hope I would have much time for that as well.

Oh, at the time I publish this post, I hope it's November 1st. And I'd like to greet everyone Happy Halloween, All Saints' Day, and All Souls' Day! I'll miss the celebration back home but I think for now I'll just be lingering onto memories such as going to the cemetery, lighting a candle for mother and grandfather, eating sticky food, going to aunt's place, feeling the spooky environment, texting friends and forwarding scary messages, and others. November and December for me are the best times of the year back home! I hope I could make it on Christmas there.