What am I looking for in my career?

I've been a Computer Science graduate and in two years of immersing in the real world, I have found that not half of the courses I have learned from college I have applied in actual work. We've been given a dozen of theories and been bogged by rigorous academic tasks, but only a few of them have been useful in practice. That's the reason I can say I still have a vague idea of what career I'm looking for. If you are a medical student, you are sure you're going to work in a hospital and treat sick people. If you are an architecture graduate, you will surely want to design buildings. But if you are a Computer Science student, there will be a lot of choices you can make for technology is a variety.

As a fresh graduate two years ago, I have ventured into a challenging work of business integration by learning TIBCO software. I have been eager enough to uncover its intricacies by perusing loads of documentations and engaging in actual projects abroad. It has been a very interesting job for me. But that did not leave me wondering about the what ifs, the possibilities of being able to work in other fields, such as programming or networking. At this point in time, I still think of pursuing my dream career of being a Java developer because that's what got me interested the most in I.T. when I was in college. As young as I am, I still have the vigor and energy to go out to the world, to explore, and to find my niche. At times, I have the tendencies to be lethargic and to be daunted by the outside world, but I still would want to be fearless enough to discover what is really for me, what feels right, and what would make me happy. 

You can't be a jack of all trades, master of none. The desire to explore doesn't make you want to have everything or know everything, you just want to know anything there is in the world. And how can you find something if you don't move out and search for it? At the same time, the desire to explore could mislead you to the wrong trail. Having a passion is something I admire from other people. I don't have a kind of passion yet and it may take years and years for me to know it. Lucky are those who have found it sooner in their lives. For now, I just want to find that passion. I don't want to be halfhearted or half-baked in a career. I want to be the perfect fit for a career. In two years that I studied TIBCO, I tried and worked hard not just to be a jack but to be master of it. But now, there are certain factors that sap my energy. It could be that it would not be the most sustainable career for me, but nothing is ever certain. It could be that that kind of job has lost its appeal to me. If I'd be given a chance to start over again, I will do it. I hope that one day the spark will come.

Dreamers Don't Dream Only

This week started with a BIG IDEA. Our boss opened up about his plans to come up with a breakthrough innovation that will change the world... Something that will turn us into instant billionaires; not a get-rich-quick-scheme one but a sensational technology the whole world will get crazy about, the likes of Facebook, Twitter, or eBay.

Not bad, is it? It sounds like a great idea although too ambitious. To get us all motivated, he asked us to read a book entitled “Disciplined Dreaming” by Josh Linkner. The book is amazing and covers about real-world experiences and stories of how creativity in the workplace has significantly contributed to the success of every big business.

I have not entirely read the book yet but after perusing more than half of the pages, I have realized nothing is too ambitious. A big idea always starts with a small one. Facebook started as a very badly constructed website and evolved into what it is today. The main idea behind it is to find ways on how to connect people: old classmates, friends and colleagues. It was a plain and simple idea that turned out into something phenomenal. They may have gone through a lot of difficulties and challenges but that did not let them get stymied from their big dream because they have that blazing passion within them.

Dreaming is not about imagining what you want in life. In fact, it is not as easy as that. You have to make the steps to fully actualize your dreams. These steps, as detailed in the book, are ASK, PREPARE, DISCOVER, IGNITE, and LAUNCH.

I consider myself as a dreamer. As stated in my blog profile, I am a dreamer for myself, my family, and my country. But the question I have in mind is, if I will be able to realize my dreams and get rich, but still, there are a lot of poor people in the Philippines, what would be next? There is a huge difference between dreaming for oneself and dreaming for others. I am just glad that one organization, Gawad Kalinga, is gradually realizing the dream to end poverty in our country. I am also overwhelmed that I have been a part of that dream that will surely be made into reality. If I am able to dream big for others and my country, I have also the power to dream for myself. And, dreaming for oneself should always include others.

Some people say that if you are going to dream, don't settle for something small. There are also certain things I consider as big dreams. The spark to come up with this big idea might have originally come from my boss and since I am working for him, I have to become part of his dream also. His dream may not be the same as mine but this should not make me cynical about his dream. I have a different set of dreams but I think what I can do for him now would inspire me to follow my own way also.

One Mother

I was strolling in SM mall when I passed by booths selling different kinds of gifts. There were accessories, wallets, and picture frames. I was plainly curious and was delighted by some of the fancy items. I saw a picture in one of the picture frames; a mother, in her bosom, a sleeping baby. And then I remembered... Next day would be Mothers' Day!

In a daze, I disappeared in my head and was taken back to a place more than four years ago. It was our house during a hot summer day. The heat was scorching and my mother was lying on her bed having a difficulty to move, just trying to lie a little sideways. She asked me to massage her foot. And I did so obediently. I loved to massage her foot and although we were both silent, I was trying to relay a message to her that in my own simple act, I would be able to let her know how much I care for her and love her.

Having a mother is one of the best things that happened in our lives. Of course, no one will ever forget her mother. I admit I have never been a perfect son to my mother. There were rough moments between us when, I know, I had deeply hurt her so much emotionally. There were times we were having a row and I was answering her back. I had also hurt her physically. I didn't fully understand the way she loved me during those times. But now I realized she was a special person who truly cares for me, the only person you can call as your own MOTHER.

My mother was a nagger and I believe all moms are. That was one thing I hated about her. She always noticed every bad thing I do. At the same, she was the type of mother who never failed to express her genuine concerns for me. She was always kissing me in my private parts when I was a child and her touch often irritated me. She was not a “stage mom” type but every time I got an award from school, she was the one who pinned my ribbon or put the medal around my neck. The last time she accompanied me on stage was during my high school graduation. She was always proud of me. I was a conceited kid back then but she taught me the importance of being humble and keeping my feet on the ground. She was right all along.

Bad things always happen everyday. One of those things happened to my mom. She got ill from cystic teratoma, a condition in which a mass/myoma grew somewhere between her urethra and anus resulting to difficulty in urinating and pooping. She was also diagnosed with first stage cervical cancer. I wouldn't forget every semester break of my first two years in college, every month of October, I would spend my vacation in the hospital with her.

As I write this, my heart feels so heavy. I badly miss my mother. I was not able to give her any good gift before and now I know I still cannot give her any present even though I have all the money in the world. You can have only one mother. If you still have her, please don't fail to say “Thank you. I love you. Sorry if I've hurt you.” Do it now before time runs out.